Thoughts and feelings. Experiencing illness. Pics

 ❦↶Thoughts and feelings ↷❦⋮

I'm eating junk food and writing down my stupid thoughts like it's my notes app.

Vegan Magnum, lightly salted tortilla chips, those drumstick squishy sweets.

(Found this from ages ago in my drafts on here, still rings tru.) ⤵

Nothing seems important but real-life connection. Connecting and healing and living and feeling life. I love life and right now all I can do is experience it, I struggle to translate this life into art forms currently. ❦

*Why do I need to translate it? Because that's what I've always done, I've always used creativity to show how I experience life.

 ↑Wed 5th June 2024↓  Getting things out. Random think. 

I'm an ill homemaker, gardener and aspiring florist apparently atm. I want to learn how to flower arrange, upholster, mend my own clothes, make curtains for my living room.

I don't really talk about being ill much at the moment, I still dislike the way lots of people react; when they ask, I usually receive their own fears towards illness back, telling me how awful it must be to be me, thinking I share these same views (I don't.) 

I know people are petrified of their own mortality. I understand it's to be expected.

I have been through a lot of things

Most people's morals and political views are in theory not based on experience. Thats fine of course but something still feels off and uncomfortable about this sometimes. (Strictly thinking about middle-class lefties)

I think we should all be uncomfortable more and try to understand why we feel uncomfortable. In general but also (When we're having convos about illness, disability, death, life)

This is all pre-period ramblings time to stfu. 🝮

Crafts, baking + extras

 What have I been up to? Slow life stuff

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Fabric Dying process. 

So this was my first time natural dying fabric, using turmeric and spinach leaves. I didn’t follow any particular video or method this time around but here’s what I did.

 

Turmeric:

✦Prepped the fabric in water with salt and vinegar.

✦Boiled water added turmeric powder & root (the root will give more of an intense colour), boiled this for around 1.5 hours.

✦I transfered this water into a container where I could soak my fabric. 

✦The brighter yellow I soaked for around half an hour, and the lighter was around 5 minutes, turmeric seemed to dye very quickly however you lose some colour when rinsing.

Spinach experiment:

I was very impatient with the spinach dye, this was just a fun extra I was trying but I'll note what I did anyway.

✦Chopped spinach, boiled for about 2 hours. 

✦I dropped the fabric into the boiled spinach for a while but this did virtually nothing SO, I started rubbing the spinach into the fabric instead, the spinach was almost a paste-like consistency by this point anyway. This actually seemed to really work! 

✦I think next time I'll maybe grind the spinach into a paste after boiling and then work it into the fabric. I know there are easier and better ways to dye but this was a fun experimental process with cute outcomes!

Magpie cross-stitch

Still in progress, I want to find a small frame for this and thinking of doing a border as well.

I found this great website where you can create your own cross-stitch patterns! It creates a key for you and everything- I also used this for my Miffy cross-stitch you'll see further down.

https://flosscross.com/designer

Date treat 

This was a super tasty & sweet treat:

Squished dates

Peanut Butter

Chocolate 

Chopped pistachios 

& into the fridge!

Dark chocolate would also work really nicely.

Gingerbread - Gluten and Dairy free

Recipe:

I made quite a few batches of this and altered each time but I think this is the one I landed on. I based my recipe and method on this one. I was surprised by how easy this was- I popped them in little boxes with bows and gave them as Christmas presents to my family.

1&1/4 cup Gluten free plain Flour 

1/2 tsp Xanthan Gum

1/4 Bicarb

1&1/2 - 2 Tbsp of Ginger powder

1 Tsp Heaped Cinnamon powder

1/2 Tsp Allspice

50g Dairy-free Butter (I used Stork)

1/4 cup & 2 Tps Sugar

2 Tbsp Honey

1 Egg

 

Flower arranging workshop

Miffy

Finished Miffy for my Friend Parv- 

she always wears navy blue. This took ages but I'm getting quicker as I do more cross-stitch.

I'll be focusing on my garden more over the next few months, but hopefully I'll still have some energy for crafts<333

xoxo

Things I've learnt at 25....I know nothing

I was 26 last Sunday.....

A lot has happened and I feel like I’ve been tons of different people internally. 

In the summer I wrote these stories out but never posted them. “25- Things I’ve learned so far” I blocked some out because they were incredibly directed at a certain person lol. These are mainly kind of things I learned in my early 20's so as I'm fully in my MID 20's now I thought it only right to reflect and share...

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Listen to other people
Don’t react instantly based on feeling rejected
Let yourself be sad wallow then try to be happy
Being content with who you are is the most important thing
Let yourself change 
Situations may feel the same but they’re usually not
All kinds of relationships will have ebbs and flows
Being nice isn't boring
Being sexy is important
Brain and body are one
Being vulnerable is very hard 
Sometimes it's you, sometimes it's them aka you are not always the victim
Being your own support is hard
Go towards jealously- investigate it.
I am not tough
Have at least 2 earth sign friends
Be honest but not mean (they are very different)

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+  lots more

Pictures in no particular order- I can't believe I'm getting older couldn't imagine it for myself I wanna cry :') :'(  My physical state has always been so connected with my internal, I spent so much time experimenting with who I am, having vast changes every day. 

I'm at a point now where I feel free to be any one of these people and more, minus some of the rotted xoxo 

❣xoxo❣

35mm

Images from the past year. I might add more pictures.

❤✧

Thanks xox

July Dump

 

This is my July camera dump. It was a really good and really bad month. The weather was autumnal and now my garden needs tidying. 

Uber driver's window, these were on both sides and he was really excited about it when I complemented them. 

Parv's top, made by her friend Ruth. 

Blackberries! Tired to pick some but loads of worms came out (a bit too many) so had to throw them away- Grandma said you shouldn't pick them on a rainy day bc the worms hide in there.

Fashioncoms x Dean publication came out.

My sweetest nephew ever, invitation to his 4th birthday party.

YER

ya

yes

£1 sun glassesssssssss

Magpie wing </3 I'm starting a project kind of about magpies atm.

That was my dump come back 4 more!! & Follow my other blog on substack @get2know <3333333

Flowers & Life: Personal Journal

In this post I’ll be sharing some flowers I’ve found joy in recently. Although I’m having a particularly low couple of weeks- out of this has come the growing realisation that I’m becoming infatuated with flowers and what they’re teaching me about life.

I’ve been thinking about places, one where everything is only wonderful all the time- maybe in my garden surrounded by plants. Where illness and hardships don’t exist, here I’ll stay with the beauty of the flowers. Then another, one where I’m pulled from my garden, into this nowhere space of ill health and pain.

I tell myself I’m in one or the other but I’m not- I’m starting to be where life just is. Where beauty and happiness can exist with illness and discomfort. Really, when you experience illness, this is where you’re permanently grounded. Contentment within this place is what I’m after, it'll come and go.

Maybe the whole point of all this is that I’m learning to love life for what it is.

Flowers from out and about.

  Snapdragon 

Thistle  

 Iris oriental

Star jasmine 

Arum-lily

 

                                            

From my personal journal. 20.06.23

I was crying on the way to the Doctors today, as tears started to build I saw a beautiful bush of flowers to the right of me. 

I love flowers now, they bring joy and let me be in a place with them where things just live to grow, wilt and be beautiful.

To see life now is special and painful. Life is real and slippery and of course ever-changing. 

Honeysuckle

Thanks for reading <3